Do you all care for the people that lie to you, or you care for the people that when away?

Today, when i wake up, i saw my T-Shirt from CROSSOVER. [Church ]
Then, i go toilet, wash my face, and take a long bath. After that, i go find the T-Shirt from CROSSOVER (BLACK COLOUR). I can't find it, but i just saw it.

Then i wear another shirt, and go out and drive to office. When i driving, i saw the small little cross at my car. [ SYLVIA GIVE ME THAT THINGS ]. Then, i ask myself, why everytime i go away from my church family member's, i will feel something different. Sometime like, no more feelings. Being back the old me. But, i dont understand. It's because i left church, having alot nice friend's being beside me. Certain friend's.

Haiz, tell you all guys a, when i think back with SYLVIA, i can't believe, that alot bad things happen. Plus, there is alot of cheat infront of me also sometimes. I never have the topic to fight, but she always does. Don't know what reason for. Haiz, now, even my own closes family member at church dont even believe me at all. Sometimes you think i want like this????
You think i like this kinda person????

When i say i really love GOD, means I REALLY DO!
But it makes me very confuse. I dont want anybody leave church, instate i leaving!
Haiz. I dont want to be bad understand or not all? I memang wanna be good. But, THERE IS ALWAYS ONE THING MAKING ME GOOD! ITS MYSELF AND ******.

GRRR!!!!!!!!!!!
I will never be the same as last time anymore. I DONT CARE!!!
WHO CAN CHANGE ME??? WHO??? TELL ME!!!!!!